COMMUNITY OF SPICE a newsletter for clergy spouses by clergy spouses

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What is it like for your children?
 
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PK questionnaire
Below are the questions we asked PK's (Preacher's Kids) from around the world.  Most of the responses were not from subscribers.
  1. How old are you?
  2. What is the denomination in which you grew up?
  3. Do you still count yourself as a part of that denomination?
  4. Which parent is ordained and what was your age when s/he was ordained?
  5. How often did you attend church as a child?
  6. If you are married, did you marry someone involved in the church?
  7. Was that a consideration when you looked for a spouse?
  8. Do you attend church, now?
  9. How often?
  10. If you don't attend now, do you believe that having children will change that (or did having children change your involvement in the church)? 
  11. If you're not active in church now, what do you see as some of the reasons?
    12.  
    In regards to church attendance:
  12. What will you do (or do you do) differently with your children than your parents did with you?
  13. What did your parents do well?
  14. What do you wish your parents had done differently?
  15. What did parishioners, parishes, dioceses do well?
  16. What do you wish parishioners, parishes, dioceses had done differently?

47 year old, female, Episcopal Church

1-3.  I am 47, female and grew up as an Episcopalian. I was in a parish in my 20's then spent at least 15 years out of organized religion. I am back participating at an Episcopal Church for the past year.

4-5.  My father was ordained when I was 2 or 3 years old.  We participated actively in parish life throughout early childhood and into my middle teen years.  In high school, my sisters became involved in the Baptist youth group in town, easily the hottest religious social event going, while reducing their participation in our church.  I dropped attendance altogether because I could not make sense of the literalist biblical interpretation of the Baptists vs. the less literal but still confusing information from my home church.

6-11.  I am not married. I am currently active in a church on a 3-4 times a month.

12-16.  What did they do well?  What do I wish was done differently? I don't have too many regrets about our growing up.  Clergy families who are in touch with each other show a human face to priests and church life to their children.  It takes the shine off the priestly role to know that they do what typical people do.  My father really tried hard to carry ethical and Christian behavior throughout his daily life so there was not egregious conflict in his role as father and "father".

Having had the run of the church behind the scenes means that I am comfortable with this part of church life where I go now.  One regret was that my mother always marched us up to the front pew on Sundays and we were typically late so it was a looooong march to the front.  Because he was ancillary clergy - not the rector but simply a member of the congregation who helped with the service on a regular basis, we were not under as much pressure as the children of the rector.  There were three priests in residence and the three families became very closely connected.  
My sisters and I were not differentiated from other parish children by special treatment.  We were in the choir and it might have been a problem if we were unwilling but it was no problem.  When I was 13 - 16 years old I found it too difficult to attend church but I wanted to stay connected somehow, so I quietly did altar guild duty on Friday afternoons when they prepared the church for the Sunday service.  I still had a "second home" even if I could not manage to be there in person very much. I don't think anyone knew about it until I was an adult and happened to mention it one day.  Missteps by the son of the rector, however, were sanctioned more severely than might have been the case if he had not been the son of the priest.


1505 Deerfield Drive
Oshkosh, WI 54904
Karen D. Powers
Publisher and Senior Editor

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