Community of Spice Newsletter Excerpts

33 year old, male, Episcopal Church

1.-3. 33 year old male. Episcopal. Only when I go to church back home out of respect for mom and dad and for friends we all have shared memories with.

4. My father. I was very young. Must have been 30 years ago or more.

5. Every week, save the occasional vacation... and even then the Morning Prayer came out.

6. No. Quite the opposite, I married someone with quite the same skeptical views of church, but a strong value that the essence of being a Christian is constantly striving to understand and a keen value of social justice. She was raised half Catholic and half Jewish... a stress in her household for her spiritual life that did some harm to her.

7. Not overtly, but that we felt strongly about the same things did not hurt as we developed a relationship.

8. No. We had a close affinity for Friends when we were in Milwaukee and might have stayed with that wonderful group of folks. In Madison, we went to meeting twice, and have not returned in years. If either of us were to attend again, the Friends would be our first choice.

10. I'm not sure. I realize that having children does that to people, but I really couldn't predict. It's not as if I've made a bargain with myself to this effect.

11. I've had this conversation with my mother before. I'm not very comfortable. I find myself so skeptical and have not been able to get past that, save for a stretch in Friends meeting in Milwaukee. Even then, I did not feel comfortable asking to go through "clearness" for membership, though I would have liked to, and would definitely have if anyone had asked. I have also dropped in on other congregations from time to time. Almost invariably, I question my own motives and those of the organization and other people to the point of paralysis. Some of this is self-doubt, fear of not being "good enough" or distaste for the social judgment that happens invariably - especially when someone like me asks too many sensitive questions too soon.

12. I can't really say. Though I am not particularly comfortable, I don't think I would want to deny a child or young adult the opportunity to be part of such an organization based solely on the neuroses of his/her parents, but I'm not sure how that would work in any genuine way.

13. They were very kind and I'm not sure I could have asked for better parents. One thing I did value about Mom and Dad's approach to church and us was they tried hard not to hold us to a different standard or otherwise differentiate us too much from other kids at church. I was as close to a normal church kid as I could be, and I liked and appreciated that.

14. Not really anything. That may be unsatisfying, but I don't have a conception of "a better way" if there is one.

15.-16 I can't really say. I don't have a real concept of how things might have worked out differently. If there's any reason why I have not developed a relationship with any church, it is purely my own fault. I can look inside and see barriers that are far greater than any that have been outside. My own perception is probably the culprit - seeing church through the lens of a kid as an organization that enables people to do things with the power of right and faith that can be very helpful and wonderful, but also very hurtful and isolating to others.