COMMUNITY OF SPICE a newsletter for clergy spouses by clergy spouses

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What is it like for your children?
 
PK Responses
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PK questionnaire
Below are the questions we asked PK's (Preacher's Kids) from around the world.  Most of the responses were not from subscribers.
  1. How old are you?
  2. What is the denomination in which you grew up?
  3. Do you still count yourself as a part of that denomination?
  4. Which parent is ordained and what was your age when s/he was ordained?
  5. How often did you attend church as a child?
  6. If you are married, did you marry someone involved in the church?
  7. Was that a consideration when you looked for a spouse?
  8. Do you attend church, now?
  9. How often?
  10. If you don't attend now, do you believe that having children will change that (or did having children change your involvement in the church)? 
  11. If you're not active in church now, what do you see as some of the reasons?
    12.  
    In regards to church attendance:
  12. What will you do (or do you do) differently with your children than your parents did with you?
  13. What did your parents do well?
  14. What do you wish your parents had done differently?
  15. What did parishioners, parishes, dioceses do well?
  16. What do you wish parishioners, parishes, dioceses had done differently?

28 year old, female, Episcopal Church

1.-3.  I'm 28 and female.  I grew up in the Episcopal Church, and I still count myself as a part of that denomination.

4.-5.  My dad was ordained to the priesthood when I was 14 years old.  He was ordained as a perpetual deacon when I was 7, with the intention to stay a deacon and not become a priest.  (That changed, obviously.)  Even before that, we went to church at least once a week, and I would estimate we went twice a week on average (sometimes more, sometimes less).  My mom was the driving force in getting us all to church, as my dad was not a regular attendee until I was a toddler.

6.-11.  Yes - I married an Episcopal priest.  That was definitely a consideration when I was looking for a spouse, although I certainly did not imagine myself marrying a clergy person.  I wanted to marry someone whose faith was as important to him as mine was to me.  I attend church about once a week.

12.  I'm not sure I'd do much differently.  I think my parents did a great job.  I would probably limit "required" church time to once a week, though, and I might make arrangements for my kids so that they wouldn't have to hang out at church during adult bible study, etc.  Then again, we learned a lot from being around a variety of different people at church, so that was OK.

13.-14.  My parents did a lot of things well.  It was good for us to be a part of a church community.  They found ways for us to be involved in church, without having to do everything.  For example, I was an acolyte for a long time, but tired of it after a while.  They told me that I could quit acolyting, but only if I found a different ministry.  I decided to play the organ instead.

Also - my parents made sure that I had a "spiritual advisor" of sorts that was not my dad.  This wasn't forced on me, but they made sure that I knew that I could talk to any one of my dad's priest friends about church, God, etc. if I had a problem.  I loved that, and I still talk to several of these priest friends.  Two of them attended my wedding, and they've become like surrogate uncles over the years.  I've really enjoyed that relationship, and I'm glad that my parents fostered it.  As a clergy spouse, I will always have a spiritual advisor who is not my husband.  I ask my husband theological questions all the time, but it's nice to have someone outside of my immediate family that I can go to for "confession" of sorts.

15.-16.  One thing that was difficult was being in the "public eye," but that would have been the case regardless of my parents' involvement at church, because we lived in a very small town.  My mom always had great answers to our questions about faith, etc.
Things I might have done differently:  When we had a problem or were worried about something, my dad would often say, "Well, at least you have a roof over your head.  The family I went to visit tonight had no house, no car, etc."  I think because he saw so much suffering, it was hard for him to relate to "normal" worries, fears, concerns, etc. of children, and our worries/fears were not validated. 

Also, my dad became very involved in youth ministry.  The kids adored him - but they didn't have to deal with him at home.  Not that he was abusive - but he was a fallible human being, and they didn't see that side of him.  I think he liked that they "worshiped" him in a sense, even though I'm sure he doesn't see it that way.  I was jealous that they got the fun parts of him, without having to deal with the whole human being.  That, in turn, made them more "likable" sometimes, I'm sure.  That was hard.  My dad also tended toward overly friendly relationships with some of the adults in the congregation, especially women who saw him as a "savior" figure.  Again, I'm sure he didn't see it that way, but that was hard to see as a kid. 


1505 Deerfield Drive
Oshkosh, WI 54904
Karen D. Powers
Publisher and Senior Editor

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